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Like Mother, Like Daughter

I've written a very silly ficlet for the Crime and Punishment theme. It's part of my Wedding From Hellverse series, and if you haven't read those, it probably won't make a lot of sense. The characterisation in particular will seem insane. But then that's the thing about the Wedding From Hellverse. Everyone went sort of bonkers during Something Blue and they've stayed that way ever since.

Setting: An AU BtVS season 4, some indeteriminate time after Something Blue
Rating: PG-13, for a bit of suggestive naughtiness
Pairing: Spike/Buffy (a shock, I know)
For the prompt: Traffic Offence
500 words

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Buffy paced the length of the crypt for what must be the hundredth time.

"This is sooo embarrassing!"

Spike hid a discreet yawn. Taking his cigarettes out of his jeans pocket, he stuck a fag in his mouth, but put it back with a disgruntled snort, when Buffy subjected him to her death-ray stare.

"No smoking when I'm pacing."

"Sorry, love." He motioned her to carry on. She glared at him, but did so. Back and forth, back and forth. "Sooo embarrassing!" she wailed again.

It seemed like a storm in a teacup to Spike, but best to keep that to himself when the Slayer was on a tear. He put on a suitably grave expression. "Yeah," he agreed. "Very embarrassing."

Buffy stopped her pacing and subjected him to another withering glare. "I knew you wouldn't understand!"

"'Course I understand!" Spike glared back this time – if in doubt, bluster. "We got caught by the local rozzers having public sex on the bonnet of their patrol car. S'embarrassing. Even vampires get that."

Fun, though, he thought, but didn't say.

Buffy flopped down in the sagging old armchair, sending up clouds of dust. "It's not that!" she wailed. "You don't get it at all."

Spike threw up his hands. Bloody humans – even if they were – inexplicably- his wife. "All right, then. You explain it to me. What am I not getting?"

Buffy gave him a look – hard to say what sort of look. A Look. "We had sex on the hood of a police patrol car, right?"

"Yeah." Spike smirked. "And very good sex it was too, if I say so myself."

Her face softened momentarily, but then she glared again. "Still not the point."

Spike was wondering if there actually was one. "Enlighten me, do."

"We're having dinner with my mom tonight, right?"

Spike blinked. "Er….what's that got to do with anything?"

Buffy sighed. "She's gonna find out about it, right?"

"Doesn't have to.." Spike began, but Buffy rolled her eyes.


"Oh. I'd forgotten him. Old Flappy-Gob. Yeah, she'll find out about it."

"See, I told you." Buffy put her face in her hands, groaning.

Spike sighed. He stuck the cigarette in his mouth again, sighed for a second time and put it away. Crossing to the chair, he perched on the arm and patted Buffy on the shoulder.

"Come on, love. It's not that bad. She won't blame you when there's me around to throw the book at. 'Sides, we are married."

He leaned down and nibbled her ear.

"Also, don't forget the coppers let us off with a caution after you killed that vamp sneakin' up on 'em. Can tell your mum there were extenuating circumstances, yeah? Hero-type ones."

Buffy's hands dropped away from her face. She gave him a pitying look.

"You still don't get it, do you? It's just mom's gonna be so smug."

"Smug?" Spike blinked. "You're right. I don't get it."

"When Mom had sex on a patrol car hood, she didn't get caught."


Mar. 23rd, 2011 05:25 pm (UTC)
which I'm sure is something Spike will be able to point out if it all gets too hot for Buffy.

He may not be aware of it yet, but I sure he's about to find out.

Adverbs: comedy's friend.

I agree. About the only place they work.


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