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Fic: We're Gonna Need A Virgin

Title: We're Gonna Need A Virgin
Creator: drizzlydaze
Rating: PG
Setting: Post-series
Word count: 437
Prompt: White candle – purity
A/N: I keep saying I hate Shanshu, but it’s a good plot device!

“I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this, but we’re gonna need a virgin.” There was a pause. He made a face. “Great, now I sound like bloody Angelus.”

Buffy snorted. She said, “We don’t have time for that. Can’t we just here, uni-uni it to us?”

“Uni-uni?” Spike said, raising an eyebrow.

“Better than corny-worn—” She broke off, spotting a gleam of white. She whispered, “It’s coming to us! Told you!” Then, in a louder voice: “Here, uni-uni!”

The gleam of white disappeared. “Maybe it’s me,” he said. “Impurities and all.”

“Please,” Buffy said, finding it amusing that he was still posturing. “You’re not a vampire anymore.”

He shrugged. “Then maybe it just got close enough to smell—what’s the opposite of virgin?”

“Deflowered?” she said, only half-listening. She was still peering into the undergrowth for a glimpse of that snowy coat.

“That’s for girls,” he said, sounding insulted. “Well, for you, I guess it smelled just how many flowers I plucked.”

That got her attention. She wrinkled her nose. “Really, Spike?”

She could tell from the look on his face that he realised just how lame he’d been (had Andrew caught up with him again?), and he quickly said, “Here, uni-uni!” again in false cheer.

Buffy was about to join in when she saw the pure coat of the unicorn between branches. “Say it again!” she said, as an absurd notion occurred to her.

It appeared that the same had to him. “You don’t mean… Buffy, take that back!” he said loudly. Rather than scaring the unicorn off, it emerged from the dark cover of the foliage and was approaching Spike.

Mirth bubbled up in her. “Spike! Spike the virgin!”

“No!” he said, his face a picture of horror. “That doesn’t make any sense!” The unicorn was now less than ten paces from him, its wise black eyes resting on his face.

“Well, unless you deserve a punch in the nose, I know you haven’t had sex since becoming a human,” Buffy said, smiling widely. Eight paces. “And you were a virgin when you were last human, right? So it makes perfect sense!”

No,” Spike said. He appeared rooted to the spot in disbelief. “No! I am not a bloody virgin!” His mouth hanging open, his eyes wild… His gaze landed on Buffy. “Come on,” he said with a mad gleam in his eyes. “Forest floor’s springy. We’ve seen worse.”

“Spike, there’s a noble creature best known for purity about two steps from you. This is not the time,” Buffy said patiently.

The unicorn nudged Spike.

Buffy said, “Hey, you did say we needed a virgin.”


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 25th, 2013 02:14 pm (UTC)

Well, perhaps they get extra comments.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 25th, 2013 02:15 pm (UTC)
Aw! So cute. Pure, innocent Spike. hee hee.

Really, such a double-standard. Why feel bad about it? Now Buffy gets a chance to return the corrupting favor. ;)
Oct. 25th, 2013 02:20 pm (UTC)
I'm sure she's seen the benefits! Now Spike will just have to stop her from spreading the story...
Oct. 25th, 2013 03:02 pm (UTC)
I love when Spike is his old, virgin self and Buffy gets her chance to teach him things.
Oct. 25th, 2013 07:28 pm (UTC)

Perfect. I love Spike trying to devirginize quick as can be. Perhaps they'll have a go on the springy forest floor after they get what they need. :)
Oct. 25th, 2013 08:35 pm (UTC)
*giggles* I love this. Poor Spike. Whatever has become of his dignity?

Oct. 26th, 2013 05:36 pm (UTC)
Silly boy! How he could not want to pet a unicorn I have no idea.
Oct. 26th, 2013 10:32 pm (UTC)
Teehee! Oh, lovely idea.
Oct. 26th, 2013 11:47 pm (UTC)
This is inspired!

And it made me giggle so hard - there's tea, all over this screen right now, I can barely see what I'm typing.

Also, next time I want to change the subject, I'm just gonna shout "here, uni-uni!"
Oct. 29th, 2013 12:25 pm (UTC)
This story is too cute for words. I loved it 11
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )


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