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Fic: Hell is Dry Cleaning

Title: Hell is Dry Cleaning
Summary: A crack-tastic take on "cursed earth" circa Season Six
Rating: Teen

It was innocent enough, all Spike did was make his usual path through the gravestones toward, fresh blood in tow, back to the crypt. No trouble, no bother.

But in the space between seconds, he found himself flying, soaring through the night; blood sailing one way, him the other. Then he was falling toward earth with a jerky "Oof!"and thud, a Slayer in floundering arms.

A Slayer on accommodating lips.

Wait, no.

He pushed her off without grace stumbled to his feet, checking his clothes for damage. "Oh, bloody hell."

"Spike?" She moved closer, fingers tickling and twisting the hair at the back of his neck, "what's wrong, don't you wanna…?"

He pouted. "No I do not 'wanna'."

She flinched, his coldness washing over her with blunt force. Tears pricked, "why not?"

He caught sight of the tremble of her lips and sighed, "sorry love, it's just with all this rough and tumble of ours I'm runnin' out of clean clothes."

"Oh" she brightened, "can't you just wash 'em?"

"Have you ever seen a washing machine at the crypt? I have to hand wash, and this was my last good shirt."

"Looks okay to me". She made a point to look him over, studying every inch, "very okay."

"What about this?" He pointed to a large brown smudge marring red sleeve, eyebrow quirked accusatory.

No answer.

"Fucking dirt."

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
shapinglight
Oct. 23rd, 2013 09:14 pm (UTC)
I feel for him. If you will be evil, keeping your clothes clean is next to impossible. Just ask my fellow witches.

clockwork_hart1
Oct. 23rd, 2013 11:41 pm (UTC)
Ooh, low blow. Glad you liked!
bogwitch
Oct. 23rd, 2013 09:18 pm (UTC)
Hee!
clockwork_hart1
Oct. 23rd, 2013 11:42 pm (UTC)
:)
velvetwhip
Oct. 23rd, 2013 09:19 pm (UTC)
There really needs to be some sort of laundromat for vamps and slayers.


Gabrielle
clockwork_hart1
Oct. 23rd, 2013 11:43 pm (UTC)
Might I suggest:

Crypt-side Cleaning

"We kill stains so you don't have to!"
baphrosia
Oct. 23rd, 2013 09:24 pm (UTC)
How *does* Spike get his clothes clean? Or himself, for that matter.

*Drifts off into happy contemplation of this subject*
clockwork_hart1
Oct. 23rd, 2013 11:44 pm (UTC)
Right there with you.

Mmm, naked Spike... Mmm, naked Spike in a Bathtub...
(Deleted comment)
clockwork_hart1
Oct. 23rd, 2013 11:46 pm (UTC)
That he does. Poor misguided Spikey...

I mean, he could always just take the clothes off...

Just saying.
(Deleted comment)
zanthinegirl
Oct. 24th, 2013 07:51 pm (UTC)
Hee! This is the good crack!
clockwork_hart1
Oct. 24th, 2013 10:07 pm (UTC)
Yay! Thanks!

*does happy dance*
snogged
Oct. 25th, 2013 10:56 pm (UTC)
Maybe Buffy could wash his clothes for him? :P
clockwork_hart1
Oct. 25th, 2013 10:57 pm (UTC)
You know, I always wondered how he did it.

It's the least she could do, really.
waddiwasiwitch
Oct. 28th, 2013 11:08 pm (UTC)
Hee.

clockwork_hart1
Oct. 28th, 2013 11:24 pm (UTC)
:)
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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