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Random fluff/angst. No idea why Switzerland. No idea at all. Go with it?

Title Working It Out (or: Revenge of the Gnomes), an UnTragedy in Semi-Adult Conversation
Rating PG13
Words 650
Prompt Gnomeo and Juliet, and the alternatives to being Star Crossed
Setting post-series, established relationship on some kind of mission, a few ripples of Entropy still

"Ugh. Gnomes!" Buffy looked a little nauseated.

"Two things, love," said Spike, peering out of the obscured windshield in an effort to work out where the fuck they were. She was an awesome woman, his Slayer, but a navigator she was not. (Do not say 'sat nav.' Spike has Views.) "One: this is Switzerland. Gnomes are a thing. Recommend you deal." She made a little ugh sound that made him grin internally. "Second: in all the things you've seen in your life, it's a garden gnome that freaks you out?"

She sat rather too still. There was a certain froideur in the air.

"Because that's okay?" (Spike is not an expert in the language of Feelings and Therapy. Tries, but feels like seven sorts of arsewipe while he does.) "If you have gnome-phobia, we can deal. Whole swathes of the Continent aren't too gnome-infested." (Though at present, can he think of one? Poland, Germany, France- Everywhere he knows and loves is covered in tacky little statuettes when he comes to think about it. Never been a thing before.) Eventually, he realized he was bonkers. Buffy was stronger than gnomes. So some kind of explanation was needed. And not, so far, forthcoming.

"What is it, love?"

It took another five miles or so, and a couple of squint signposts confirming they were at least vaguely headed in the direction of Grindelwald, before she said, "It was a gnome. With the camera inside. In our yard. And I kicked it to death, Willow hacked it, and it was the Trio, and they had all their cameras and we looked and you were in the Magic Box with Anya. On the table. Having sex." After which word vomit, she clamped her lips shut.

Spike gave a deep inward sigh, and waited for a layby to open up on the road. Some conversations should not be had in transit. But should be had, eventually, avoid it how they might. And this boring highway some way short of Interlaken might as well be it.

He said, "I'm sorry-"

Buffy said, "I shouldn't-"

There was a mutual moment of irritated understanding. Then a silent competition for the other to speak next. Spike won. Buffy spoke.

"I shouldn't be jealous. We were broken up; you and Anya were free agents, you'd both been hurt. I had no right-"

(Spike never can stand listening to her beat herself up. He prefers to watch others try, and fail, and get beaten in turn. Hence, interruption.)

"I'm sorry I fucked your friend. Even drunk and upset, we knew it was a bad idea. Well. Mostly I'm sorry it upset you, actually." (The soul makes for honesty. If not actual contrition.)

It made her laugh, that last part, but in a slightly damp way that suggested the whole gnome thing did upset her, all over again.

He looked out at the gathering dusk. Soon, he'd be able to get out and walk around. Which was lucky, because there were trolls to be killed, up on the mountain, if they could only get there intact, without too many wrong directions and deep emotional conversations.

"Look, love… It's this way, isn't it? Nobody did anything wrong. Bad timing, hurt feelings, decent intentions… Not exactly Romeo and Juliet star-crossed, is it?"

She sniffed, discreetly, and pulled her shades firmly on, disguising hints of red eyes. "Yes. Yes, you're right. It's not where we are now. All done."

"On we go, then? Nice hotel waiting for us, log fire, big bed..." He wiggled his eyebrows invitingly.

Buffy, even under the sunglasses, gave a visible roll of the eyes. "You only want to get at the trolls. I read you like a book, Mr the Bloody."

"Fucking right, love," said Spike, pulling out of the layby, back to the good times.

Gnomes of the world, watch out. Spike has it in for you, these days.


( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 15th, 2013 11:31 pm (UTC)
Hee! I can always rely on you to tackle the daft prompts I've insisted on!
Jan. 16th, 2013 08:58 pm (UTC)
Always. And now I should watch Gnomeo and find out what I've alluded to...
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:49 pm (UTC)
You should, it's great.
Jan. 15th, 2013 11:54 pm (UTC)
This is excellent! I had completely forgotten that gnomes were canon - and Spuffy canon nonetheless. Well done.
Jan. 16th, 2013 08:58 pm (UTC)
*is canon fiend*

Possibly I just share Buffy's antipathy to creepy little gnomes.
Jan. 16th, 2013 12:53 am (UTC)
It was a conversation they needed to have someday. I enjoyed your take on it. Death to gnomes! :)
Jan. 16th, 2013 08:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Not too deep, but maybe they didn't need to be.
Jan. 16th, 2013 03:58 am (UTC)
Oooh, nice tie in with canon. And just the right amount of angst!
Jan. 16th, 2013 08:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Sprinklings of angst only, for now.
Jan. 16th, 2013 07:11 am (UTC)
Spike never can stand listening to her beat herself up.

And well he shouldn't, especially when she's beating herself up over having feelings! Feel the feels, Buffy!

This is, of course, brilliant. A crack premise + a little BMB magic = a beautiful story.

I seem to recall some gnomes even in Italy. They're everywhere!
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:00 pm (UTC)
Italian gnomes are my gnome basis. There was a house on the long trek from beach to my granny's house up the hill that had the full Snow White and seven dwarves set (Bashful hiding behind the gate). I was charmed by it aged four. Not so much now.

And thank you!
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:04 pm (UTC)
OMG! Is your granny's place in Cinque Terre someplace? Because if so those are the exact gnomes (dwarves, whatever) I was thinking of! What are the chances?
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:13 pm (UTC)
!!! Not quite Cinque Terre, further round the Ligurian coast near Alassio. BUT STILL. That's got to be the same local supplier, and we have marvelled over the same gnomes. That is extraordinary.
Jan. 16th, 2013 12:06 pm (UTC)
Gnomes of the world, watch out. Spike has it in for you, these days.

It's about time someone sorted the nasty little buggers out once and for all.

This was great!
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:01 pm (UTC)
Indeed. Hope Spike makes some progress.
Jan. 16th, 2013 12:27 pm (UTC)
Gnomes are evil. I know - i live next to them!
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:03 pm (UTC)
*g* I miss when France had the Front pour la Liberation des Nains. Those were fun news stories. A long time ago now. omg.
Jan. 16th, 2013 05:33 pm (UTC)
Love love love!
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:03 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thank you!
Jan. 16th, 2013 07:07 pm (UTC)
Any plan that leads to smashed gnomes is a good plan.
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:04 pm (UTC)
Aww, I miss the old Gnome Liberation Front (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garden_gnome_liberationists). They were fun people. But a captive gnome is an abomination, it's true.
Jan. 16th, 2013 09:52 pm (UTC)
All this gnome hate makes me sad. I rather like gnomes! As long as I don't have to have any, that is.
Jan. 18th, 2013 06:03 pm (UTC)
:( I know. I don't mind the occasional gnome. Though too many can be a bit unnerving.
Jan. 18th, 2013 08:06 pm (UTC)
You've never been to Gnomeland then?
Jan. 18th, 2013 09:11 pm (UTC)
I didn't even know it existed. Now that thought will fester. Thanks. :P
Jan. 18th, 2013 11:23 pm (UTC)
My friend went there, it looks like my kind of place.
Jan. 16th, 2013 11:09 pm (UTC)
I loved your take on the prompt. Hee. This was very sweet and funny.
Jan. 18th, 2013 06:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I like them to have some quiet moments, you know?
Jan. 16th, 2013 11:28 pm (UTC)
This was marvelous and funny, hun. Well done!
Jan. 18th, 2013 06:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
Jan. 17th, 2013 09:58 am (UTC)
Jan. 18th, 2013 06:24 pm (UTC)
Jan. 17th, 2013 02:46 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, this was so adorable.

Especially this part, which seems so true to the character:

"I'm sorry I fucked your friend. Even drunk and upset, we knew it was a bad idea. Well. Mostly I'm sorry it upset you, actually." (The soul makes for honesty. If not actual contrition.)
Jan. 18th, 2013 06:24 pm (UTC)
*g* There's sorry, and then there's clarifying what you're sorry about...
Jan. 17th, 2013 06:41 pm (UTC)
Lovely :)
Jan. 18th, 2013 06:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
( 36 comments — Leave a comment )


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