Title: Sales Pitch
Setting: AtS S5
Word count: 719
Prompt: The November Men
A/N: I don’t know what this is, just felt like something different. (P.S. I actually dislike the idea of Shanshu, but hey, whatever works.)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you William the Bloody, disappointing vampires since 1880. We apologise for this abrupt change in track, but really, Angelus was getting boring. We know, we know, you’ve heard it all before: worthless human being gets turned, channels his energies into overcompensation in ways that are both badass and pathetic, gets all famed up. But we promise this is different.
He has a curse.
Yes, we’re still talking the Bloody. Not Angelus. Not nearly as dull.
William the Bloody has a curse.
He’s chained. Always has been, always will be. He struggles to break free, and struggles to bind himself more tightly. He’s thought of it as a curse at times, yes, but he’s never struggled so valiantly or for so long before he knew her.
Oh, we all know this one, so all together now: No, Spike. It’s gonna hurt a lot.
Truer words, eh? He should’ve listened. He tried to, later on, but again—curse. Let’s get to that now.
So when Spike realised he loved the Slayer, he denied. First reaction, you know, denying. But he’d never been good at that sort of thing, so the second thing he did was rage. The third thing he did was cry, because he knew he’d never be able to get out.
When he loves, he loves forever.
Sorry, we’ll spare you the dramatics. Can’t promise the same of him. We’ll drop a hint, though: the trick to getting him to stop is to tell him he’s brooding.
Here’s the box. We’re handing it around. Any changes? Yeah? Good man. Smart of you. Rest of you are a stuffy lot.
Let’s talk some more, then. Where were we? Right. Loved the Slayer. Oh, we’ve all seen the rest of this show, so let’s skip forward to the end. They hold hands, stare into each other’s eyes. She declares her love for him. He tells her—all together now!—No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it.
Handing the box round again. That scene’s gotta get something, right? Oh yeah.
Ahem. Moving on—like he thinks he’s doing. Fine. Not so fine, though, because… well, you know how humans lie awake at night and stare at the ceiling and such? The same thing occupies Spike every night regardless of his day. Same one. Someone. Don’t get anything if you guess who.
But the little twist in the story is that he doesn’t go to see her. Doesn’t call her. Doesn’t even let her know he’s undead and kicking.
Up till now, William the Bloody has never changed. He is cursed and chained, slaves away for the women in his life. But now, he changes.
Perhaps because the Slayer is different. The pain has been unbearable. Maybe because she’s too much. She’s finally managed to make him afraid. We’re not too sure what’s going on, because William the Bloody’s mind is a dangerous and marshy land.
But anyway. It’s more interesting now. Because William the Bloody has, one way or another, become something of a coward. Let’s add that to the list: pathetic, lovesick, impetuous, arrogant, fool, brute, coward.
Give him a hand, everyone! Least he managed to change! Some support, please? Nice.
Okay, let’s just take a quick look back at Angelus. Boring, plodding, he’s about as interesting to watch as paint dry. Dull as a table lamp, some may say. Plus, he’s got the whole belly-of-the-beast thing going on right now. Cancels out all the points he gained stopping Jasmine, if you ask me.
So, Spike’s pretty good still, unfortunate pining aside, and he’s coming nicely into his own—
—What, I’m out of time? Haven’t even got to the pitch yet! Haven’t screened the time he beat down Angel, for one. And—alright, I get it, apocalypses wait for no man slash Power. Gotta get help down to the alley pronto, blah blah blah, big battle coming and rewards abound. Just saying, many’ve been backing the wrong vamp. Don’t chase me off, I’ll go, I’m going. One last shout out to all you Powers—betting pool’s closing, get the right Champion! Hint: it’s not the one with the Neanderthal brow—alright, I’m going!
Here’s betting I got enough ‘yay’s in this box to make that vamp a very happy man.