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Prompt:  Down on the Farm
Words:  457
Rating: PG-13 for squickiness
Setting:  A re-imagined S6, a few weeks after part two
Title:  Spike and Buffy's World Tour, Part Three

A tribute to Orwellian swine in honor of election day.  All tongue-in-cheek. 

Part Three - Down on the Farm


          This was her life now, answering ads in Demon Monthly, patrolling and raising Dawn the rest of the time.  Not everybody was comfortable with her choices but Buffy didn’t much care.  She was keeping the Hellmouth safe; she was raising her sister as best she could.  There was nothing else they were allowed to expect of her.

          Giles called from Bath, apologetic and offering a truce.

          “There is a reward in exchange for aid,” he told her.  “I thought you might be interested.  And, well, I was hoping you and Dawn might holiday here after, for Christmas.  The others are welcome too of course, as long as they pay their own way.”

          “Do those others include Spike?”

          He was silent so long she almost hung up.



          “So, what do you think?  Talking animals taking over the farm, fighting Farmer Jones for control – demonic possession?”

          “Sounds Orwellian,” Spike said blandly.  “They mention Napoleon by any chance?  Snowball?”

          Buffy’s face scrunched up.  “Huh?”



          She grimaced, repulsed.

          “What?  Pig’s blood.  S’just a little fresher than is the norm.  Straight from the source,” he grinned, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, smearing the ruby liquid across his cheek.  It blended with blood already dripping from his hair and down his clothes.

          “Yeah, but…”

          “Don’t be telling me I can’t drink pig’s blood now!  First it’s people off the menu, next it’s pigs… Soon you’ll be wanting me to be a vegetarian vamp!”

          “It just seems wrong,” she shuddered.  “They talked.  Like people.”

          “Yeah,” he said happily.  “T’was brilliant.  ’Sides, they deserved it.  Spouting off about comrades and equality and all that bunk.”

          Buffy cocked an eyebrow, “So, what, you’re a political vamp now?  Going to join the ranks of undead voters?”

          “Sod that!  Vampire,” he pointed to himself indignantly.  “Only good political system is anarchy.  Anarchy in the UK!” he hollered, pumping his fist.  Buffy snickered behind her hand.

“Well good, I was worried I was going to come home to find you doing the dance of capitalistic superiority with Anya.”

“Pffft,” he scoffed.  “Hate capitalist pigs.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose.  “Think these were socialist pigs, honey.”

“Hate them too.”  He ran his tongue over his fangs.  “Though maybe not so much these ones.”  He glanced around at the other animals, who were regarding him with a horrified expression, the sheep bleating in terror against the barn wall.  Spike lunged at them and they scattered, leaving him howling with laughter.

She glared at him. 

“Ah, don’t be like that, love.  How ‘bout this – how ‘bout if I carve this one here up, he’ll make a lovely ham, we can bring it round to the Watcher’s for dinner.”

Buffy turned green and ran for the bushes. 

“What?  What’d I say?”



( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 6th, 2012 01:09 pm (UTC)
"Were I a suckling pig, ere I had grown as big as a pint bottle or a rolling pin, I should have learned to be faithful and true to thee. Yes, my first squeal would be, "Comrade Napoleon!" :-)
Nov. 6th, 2012 06:43 pm (UTC)
Four legs good, two legs ba-a-a-ad! :)
Nov. 6th, 2012 07:41 pm (UTC)
"ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL, BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS," just as everywhere else in the world.
Nov. 6th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
I love people who love Animal Farm! :)
Nov. 7th, 2012 12:11 am (UTC)
Clearly, so do I.
Nov. 6th, 2012 01:32 pm (UTC)
aw, Buffy is a "meat comes from the grocery store" kind of gal. Kinda hard when she's dating a vampire! Spike's all "meat's better when it walks and talks!"

Nice Orwellian touches. *clap clap*
Nov. 6th, 2012 11:42 pm (UTC)
Can you just imagine how thrilled Spike was to hunt again?

Nov. 6th, 2012 01:42 pm (UTC)
I think it's a good idea myself. :)

This series is great fun.
Nov. 6th, 2012 11:43 pm (UTC)
I can kill and dress my own food, but if it talked... I might be puking too. :)
Nov. 6th, 2012 05:43 pm (UTC)
Yeesh. I hope he knows enough not to go after the horses! He'll never get laid again!

You know, those pigs in Animal Farm didn't have much to look forward to pre-revolution, did they? The chickens, sheep, cows, and horses are productive without having to give up their lives, but pigs are just bred for the slaughter. Hmmmm.

*wanders off to vote*

Nov. 6th, 2012 11:44 pm (UTC)
Yay for voting!

I kinda squicked myself out with this, but my first thought was PREY! That Buffy can't get mad at Spike for!

I think Boxer's already kicked the bucket though, so we're safe on the horse factor. :)

Nov. 6th, 2012 05:58 pm (UTC)
bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha. That was brilliant.

I particularly love that Spike was so happy to be killing things that could speak. ;-)
Nov. 6th, 2012 11:45 pm (UTC)
You know he would be thrilled to be hunting again (partly why I decided to make it S6 instead of S7)!

Glad you enjoyed!
Nov. 6th, 2012 07:00 pm (UTC)
I'm a fan of the crossover, but I have to say "Animal Farm" is one that never occurred to me. Hee!

Glad you're feeling inspired because this series is fun!
Nov. 6th, 2012 11:46 pm (UTC)
The moment I saw 'Down on the Farm' that's what came to mind. Then I had to go back and rework the others to get to this one. :)

Nov. 6th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
He he! This is so much fun.
Nov. 6th, 2012 11:47 pm (UTC)
Yay! Thanks!
Nov. 7th, 2012 12:45 am (UTC)
ROFL I love it!

Poor Buffy, though...I don't think she'll look at ham the same way ever again!
Nov. 7th, 2012 12:47 am (UTC)
I don't think I will either... Thanks!
Nov. 9th, 2012 05:48 pm (UTC)
This is my favorite installment so far - I'm not generally a fan of "Buffy with soulless Spike as a partner" but this is a lot of fun. I love how she's very much "deal with it" with Giles and her friends "He was silent so long Buffy almost hung up" might be my favorite line. (I can see how a less-depressed Buffy might have gotten to that point sooner - and boy do I have a kink for simple, elegant prose that tells me a lot about character. This is the sort of line that feels true to the format of a tv show or movie - show, not tell.)

And her friends do expect an awful lot of her don't they? They need to get over themselves, honestly. I love the characters but...you handle this scenario wonderfully, AU but still believably in character.
Nov. 10th, 2012 09:09 pm (UTC)
I prefer a souled Spike too, especially as things developed in canon, although I can be convinced otherwise. But - my whole goal was to get Spike to preying on the pigs, and he had to be soulless for that! I couldn't see a souled Spike feeding off sentient creatures, ergo S6 Spike it was.

Glad you appreciated the minimalism! I often find myself spelling things out (and out and out) in my longer stories, which is in reaction to reviews - either some readers aren't seeing scenarios the same way I do (which happens often because my view of S6 Spike is less accepting than most Spuffy fans) OR I'm not expressing myself well enough. This is why I'm working a lot with these prompts. That 1000 word max is really teaching me to focus.

Thank you!
Nov. 13th, 2012 07:56 am (UTC)
This made me laugh. Brought back memories of 'Animal Farm-the musical' which we did at school. Sadly it wasn't as much fun as your story....
Nov. 13th, 2012 08:01 am (UTC)
I'm trying to imagine a musical version... I would think it would have had to be depressing, which is not what a musical should be (to me)! Glad you enjoyed, thank you!
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )


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