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The Add Hearing Principle

Prompt:  Sticky Business
Setting: Mid-Season 4, let's say after 'Who Are You' but before 'Superstar'
Rating: PG-13
Words: 997

Two in one day.  Because that ghost must be busted.

The Add Hearing Principle

          “You sure this will work?”

          “Absolutely!”  Willow answered.  “I’ve double-checked and triple-checked ‘til I’m all checked up.  Sure it was tricky, what with Guaycura being an extinct language and all, and the incantation calling for precise pronunciation… which is why I translated it into English!  No mispronunciating occurring with this witch, no sir!”

          Buffy hesitated.  “Maybe we should wait for Giles.  It’s only, what, a dozen hours ‘til his plane lands?”

          “By which point tonight will be over.  Do you really want to give this super-silent, invisible, almost untrackable demon another night to roam free, killing virgins?  There’s a shortage of virgins as it is.”

          Sighing, Buffy nodded her acquiescence and Willow began the spell.  The monster of the week had evaded her for several days already; she had to stop it tonight.  If only Spike could be convinced to help out – but no, he was being difficult.  So here she stood on a pentagram, letting Willow amplify her hearing to vampiric levels.

          She only half-listened as Willow droned on.  “… Let that which the Slayer seeks not escape… that which she most desires… goddesses of…  Let the ADD HEARING principle be complete!”

          “Add hearing?”  Buffy’s nose wrinkled.

          “Well, I was trying to be as exact in the translation as possible.  The words M’tornala crumbarth…” 

Buffy zoned out again, until – “Repeat that last part?”

“I said, I added a little extra.  Your enhanced hearing should only work on the demon you seek.  So, you know, you won’t be overwhelmed, like when you could hear everybody’s thoughts…”

A little extra? 

“Right.  I’ll just be going now.” 

Before I give in to the urge to slap you silly for whatever’s going to go wrong this time…




Buffy patrolled for several hours without any ADD HEARING happening.  When Spike stepped out in front of her, startling her with how completely she didn’t hear him lurking about, she wondered if Willow had dampened her senses instead.

“Spike.  Go away.”

He shrugged.  “As you wish.  Still, thought you might want help with yon beastie.”

She twirled.  “Where?”  He pointed to the edge of the cemetery. Sure enough, she could see the uncut grass bending under the weight of something invisible.  And silent to her ears.

“Can you hear it?” she demanded.

“Sounds like a bloody elephant trampling about.” 

Buffy frowned.  Okay, ADD HEARING a no go.  What did Willow do?  No time to worry about it.  “I still don’t have any cash…”

Spike scratched his chin.  “Yeah, all right.  Don’t have much anything else to do.  You can owe me.”  At her terse nod he dashed forward, bellowing.  That she could hear.  She followed, figuring that by watching Spike move she could get her own licks in.

It worked well enough at first.  The vampire would pummel the demon towards her, shouting bits of advice, and the feel of its body crashing into hers was enough for Buffy to land her blows until it stumbled back to Spike.

The problem started when they were suddenly fighting side-by-side.  Spike went into a roundhouse kick, sending his coat whooshing outwards until it slapped Buffy’s leg and stuck.

“What the bloody hell?” he shouted, his movement cut short.  He tugged unsuccessfully, then shoved at her shoulder.  His hand stuck, as if glued.

“Um…”  Buffy was equally perplexed.  The demon knocked into them, smashing Buffy’s breast into the palm of the vampire’s other hand.  “Spike!” she grimaced when his hand remained firmly in place.

He rolled his eyes.  “Oh please, as if I would want to cop a feel.  Can’t move my sodding hand, all right?  Or the other one.  You’ve apparently come over all sticky.”

“Apparently.  What about the demon?”


“Okay.  Okay.  Let’s get to Willow, maybe she can help.” 

The walk back to campus resembled a strange sort of waltz.  “How come you’re not sticking to anything but me?” Spike wondered.  “Must be my animal magnetism,” he leered when she didn’t answer.  “Think you’re enjoying this.”  He kneaded her breast until her fist smashed into his mouth.  And stayed there.

He glared at her, unable to speak. 

“Finally, I shut you up.”  Which amused her for all of twenty seconds, until she stumbled over a rock outside her dorm and they fell, twisting, Spike landing on top of her. 

Spike’s crotch landing on top of her mouth, to be precise.

He wriggled, and the press of his crotch became more insistent.  “Finawee I sut ou up,” he mimicked through her fist, squeezing her breast for added effect.

Shoot me now.  Or… I still have a free hand.  I could stake him.  Maybe.

“You are so dead,” she threatened through the corner of her mouth that wasn’t glued to his pants.  “Okay.  How the hell are we going to fix this?” 

Several minutes later, no answer was forthcoming.  “Fuck me!” she muttered in frustration.

Spike obliged, thrusting his pelvis into her mouth.  She thrust her fist further into his mouth. 

What now?  Come on Buffy, don’t panic…

The PTB took pity on her. 

“Spike, what…?  Buffy?”  Willow stood over them.

“Help?  I’m… sticky.  Sticking to Spike.  Just him.  Like glue.  Like fly tape.  Or adhesive tape.  Or… ARGH!”  Buffy laughed maniacally.  “I’m adhering!  Add hearing!  To Spike.  I knew this was all your fault!”

“Um… I’ll be back,” Willow squeaked, rushing away.





“Oh thank god,” Buffy breathed, shoving Spike away, ignoring his indignant protest.  “You know no amount of cookies will ever fix this, right?”

Willow crumpled.  “Sorry!”

“Sorry?  Sorry?  I ever get this chip out, you’ve just moved to the top of my list, witch.”  Spike strode off with a huff.

Helping Buffy up, Willow said, “Okay, I screwed up.  In a way that will never, ever be mentioned again.  But – one question… even if I managed to make you all adhering instead of add hearing-y…”


Willow bit her lip.  “The power was only supposed to work on that which you desired most.”

Buffy gave into that slapping urge after all.



( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 23rd, 2012 12:20 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO Willow had that one coming. Great fun.
Oct. 23rd, 2012 04:50 pm (UTC)
I love Willow, but those spells did go wonky in S4! Thanks :)

Edited at 2012-10-23 04:51 pm (UTC)
Oct. 23rd, 2012 04:01 pm (UTC)
Oct. 23rd, 2012 04:51 pm (UTC)
And Hee! Thanks!
Oct. 23rd, 2012 05:09 pm (UTC)
Hee! That was hilarious!
Oct. 23rd, 2012 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks :)
Oct. 23rd, 2012 05:55 pm (UTC)
Gives into the guffawing loudly urge:)
Oct. 23rd, 2012 09:45 pm (UTC)
Yay! Thanks :)
Oct. 23rd, 2012 09:05 pm (UTC)
Hee! This is great!

“Must be my animal magnetism,”

Oct. 23rd, 2012 09:47 pm (UTC)
She did desire him most! Thanks :)
Oct. 24th, 2012 01:37 am (UTC)
Hee! I love it. I know I'm shallow but there really can't be too many "Willow's spell goes wrong" stories for me.
Oct. 24th, 2012 04:09 am (UTC)
Spells gone bad are always a great premise! Thanks :)
Nov. 4th, 2012 02:04 am (UTC)
Oooh, very clever--add hearing vs. adhering. LOL!

If I were Willow, I think I'd lay low for a while. Hee!
Nov. 4th, 2012 02:36 am (UTC)
I was pretty stoked when I came up with that homonym-y combo. Yay for thesauruses! Thank you!
Feb. 9th, 2013 12:27 am (UTC)
Willow's little spells are always highly entertaining. But she REALLY should have known better than to point out the "that which you desire most" part of the spell.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )


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